Within reach.

My dedication:
With both of you in mind, neither here nor there, you both stand on equal grounds in my heart, never fading, never doubting, ever near.




Within reach.

i'm waiting under the cool shade of a tree, watching the sun's rays just out of reach.
I look around...
Down... at my bare feet with the grass pushing through between my toes. At my wrist, the star : my father in red. I move my finger over it the same way he used to move his down my nose. I'd be able to smell his own concoction of Marlboro's and aftershave, I realize now how much the smallest gestures stay with you.

Up... at the leaves that seem to be almost bursting with green. Swaying slightly with the breeze; unlike my hair... my hair whips about against the persuasions of the wind like a child's wrist, stubbornly twisting and turning in her parent's protective grasp.

Left.... resting my lips on my upper arm as i turn to look over my shoulder at the bright yellows and fluorescent greens reflected up at me from the sun-warmed grass.

My legs are tattooed with red and white marks from the roots I'm sitting on. You know the type - they hurt more when I lifted myself off the roots, than they did when I was still resting on them.

I'm standing up now, leaning on the broad body of the tree whilst stumbling and slipping slightly on the same roots who's marks are still on my thighs. Damn these roots, why won't they stay put underground?
In an absentminded and childlike manner, I brush the torn grass and dirt from my skirt as I'm staring off at the line I see.

Its strange, I can see exactly where the sun's rays stop. Its like someone is holding up a yellow film under the sun and moving ever so slowly across the meadow, staining the color of the grass below.

I touch my arm with my right hand. It's that strange sensation of a warm hand on your arm, while simultaneously feeling cold skin with that very same hand. Either way, I decided I needed to warm up, I needed to step up and out from under my tree.

With each step, the roots disappear into soft grass and soil. With each step, my body loses some of the cold. I turn around, my big, green, giant is still with me.. watching my steps like my dad's hands on the back of my bicycle that one night we decided to take the training wheels off.

I gather my hair to one side and pull it down over my shoulder.. There's no one around, but I still make the effort of pulling out the little strands of grass and leaves from my tangle of hair. I notice that my arm doesn't feel as cold anymore, when my hand brushed past it.

I find my sandals, the ones i kicked off when I was running towards that shade earlier this morning. As I pick them up I turn again, to see my sanctuary. It looks a little smaller at this distance, but I can still see it's leaves swaying, waving at me... like my mother's hand rubbing my back every night. Never stopping, never slowing, not until she was certain I had fallen asleep.

I'm coming over a hill, I'm almost at that peculiar line on the ground holding green and yellow apart. I think I see the girls.. they're laying out on the towels, no doubt soaking up the bronzing sun. I wave to them and they raise their shades at me, holding up their ice cold drinks. I make a vague delaying gesture with my hands, and slow to a stop.

Looking over my shoulder, I realize I can barely see the top of my tree. Quickly I shuffle backwards a few steps onto the hill... there it is. My giant, still looking so solid and strong. I can't see the roots from here, and the shade looks nice and cool. My head whips around towards the sun's line in the grass, and then back again at my sanctuary.

I take another step back, and set myself down on the grass... I lay back resting on my arms, and take one final glance behind me. Then I wave again to the girls with my sandals in hand, and smile as I say under my breath... "I think I'm warm enough.."